Freaking Out

Okay, so this is probably something we've all experienced at one point or another, but today I was freaking out so much. The best way I can put it is I was having an existential crisis ( I am about to talk about some possibly triggering topics so be warned). It mainly started first lesson in IT (computers basically). My teacher told us we needed to start thinking about what we wanted to do when were older and leave college. She went around the class and the mainly said 'Accountant' or other boring business stuff. She came to me and I kinda panicked. I never really thought about what I wanted to be when I was older. In the past, I thought about being a psychologist so I just said that, but I really don’t. I’ve done some research and it takes a lot of studying, a lot of money, and a lot of energy. All of which I do not have. After that, it got me thinking, what I actually want to do with my life. In 2 short years, I’ll finish college and be in the big wide world, and in one year I will be applying for universities. Maybe a Crime Analyst (like my queen Cristine of SimplyNailogical) but that would also require a lot of things I don’t have. At the end of the day, what is the point? I realised recently how quickly my school life went by. It all happened so quickly and that means these two years will fly by then I have to be an adult and do adult things like pay taxes and get a mortgage (how btw?) and then I’ll (hopefully) get married then have kids then grow old and die. Is there any real reason to be studying so hard for something that won’t matter in the long run? Life goes by so quickly so is there any point to it all? On the other hand, life is so short so make the most of it… right? I’m just finding that increasingly difficult these days. I would also talk about friends and family dying but I do have work tomorrow so I need to sleep tonight so maybe another time, yeah? Back to the whole future career thing. I feel cheesy saying this, but I would like to go into a job helping those with CFS. I know if I had a nurse who had my condition, I would feel a lot better and know that things can still go well for you. The only problem is, I don’t know what jobs work with CFS apart from like doctors or super well-educated trained professionals who make thousands and thousands a year. So yeah, I don’t know. Maybe a counsellor for people with CFS or other illnesses? I’ll probably end up working at Tesco’s or something knowing my luck. Oh well. I have some time to think about it. I guess I do anyway. Even if I did go to university, I don’t know what I would study. Maybe Sociology and Criminology at Exeter since that’s a good uni and cool subjects ( I like CSI in case you couldn’t tell) but I don’t know what I could do afterwards with a degree like that. I looked up possible careers but not appealed to me. I know Cristine did sociology and criminology so possibly a crime analyst? But I don’t know anywhere nearby that would take me on. Anywhere in the country in fact (apart from London because fuck that shit. Expensive and a good target for possible attacks. Nah mate.) So I don’t know. I guess I would have to look into it and not think about my inevitable doom. On a lighter note, I started using an app called ‘ProHealth Tracker’. I don’t know if it specifically for CFS but I use it and its great. So if you need a good fatigue tracker app, there you go. Free as well! Yeah, that’s it for now. Hopefully, I’ll find a job that interests me… I hope.