Today

Today. Today is the day I got diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. The funny thing is, I thought once I was told that I do have CFS or given any explanation , I thought my life would change and it would be weight of my shoulders; but it wasn't. The day I got diagnosed, nothing changed. I still ached. I still felt tired. I still wanted to nap. My head still throbbed. My eyes still fought to stay open. Nothing changed. I guess the actual thought of me not being crazy, or ‘a normal teenager’ as my mum ever so kindly put it, created a delusional sense of a cure in my mind. Once I was diagnosed, I was NOT going to be magically cured. I knew that. I know that. My mind doesn’t always want to listen. Having this condition does not make me weak. That is one thing I need to remember – especially on bad days – just because I can’t do things like everybody else, does not make me less of capable human being. If I’m being honest, I’ve kinda known for a while that I had this illness (once again, just because it is an illness does NOT make me ill) but I guess hearing a trained professional tell me that I actual have it and this is legitimate, it makes sense as to why I was close to tears (and because my period is due next week but never mind). I wanted to cry once he left the room. I still do want to cry but I have to be stronger than that. They are offering me help, and I intend to take it – as long as Theresa May keeps her hands off the NHS. Today is the first day of so many more to come. I may have been diagnosed with a chronic life-long illness, with no cure, and no known cause, but that does not make me a prisoner to this thing. That’s all it is. A thing. Nothing. Certainly nothing that I will let get in my way. Of course I am going to have bad days; everybody has them. I am not going to let it define me or confine me to a life of sleeping and not enjoy what little time I have. Day 1 out of so many more to go. Today is the first day, of my new life.